I’ve been holding on to something for a while now. It’s something that I hold dear. Something that means something to me. Unfortunately, that something doesn’t want or need me. How do I let that go? I’ve been holding on to this for so long it’s probably to the point of being unhealthy. That something never responds to my yearning. I get no response. I give much more than I get. But that’s because I get nothing in return. Literally. nothing.
Why is it so important for me to hold on? Maybe it’s because I’m confused about why that something has built such a rigid and impenetrable wall. Maybe I did something. Maybe it’s because my heart longs for that something that was once so important in my life. But, things change. I have been the one reaching out to that something for many years. It is clear that something wants nothing to do with me. Why can’t I let it go? What keeps me tied to that something. When obviously, that something is not tied to me.
It hurts to put so much into something and receive nothing. And yet I continue to try. I say to myself that I am done trying and then I try again.
This week in my music therapy group sessions, I talked about identity. Who we are. What makes us who we are. And how identity changes over time. It is interesting to look back on who we once were, even five years ago, and see who we are now, how far we have come. Somethings will come in and out of our lives. Sometimes, it’s easy to let go if something chooses to leave your life. Sometimes it’s not. Luckily, I have a lot of somethings that have filled my life.
And it’s okay to let go.